we've been behind on the bills. like, a lot. like, a lot a lot. like, so behind the remainder of the wee girl's hospital bill from her tubes surgery last year (a little over $300) got sent to a collection agency. so behind that i've had to talk to my credit card company about a workout plan on the balance we've been carrying for a while. cowboy charming knows we're a little behind. he has no idea that we're a lot behind. he gets depressed if he thinks about money because of husband-should-be-the-provider guilt. so he asks if things are paid, i fudge it; he asks if there is money for vet bills, etc, i make sure there is by pushing something back a week or two.
i asked my mom for a small loan. this was VERY difficult for me, since any time we're behind on the bills i have a huge sense of guilt, like i've done something sinful. we try to save, but every time we get a little savings ahead, things break. big things. the last big thing: the water main.
the next big thing will be the cars. cowboy charming's truck is up for safety inspection and license renewal. it failed safety inspection because of a missing part of the exhaust and a non-working horn. that's going to cost at least $100 to fix. licensing on his truck is $70 for one year. my car has had the "check engine" light on for months. last time we had the codes checked we were told it was the catalytic converter and would cost at least $1600 to fix.
when i asked my mom for the loan, like maybe $2000 (she'd offered when she was visiting during my graduation weekend to loan us $20,000 to put toward the outstanding principle on the house. we weren't comfortable in the possibility of defaulting to her on a loan that big). she told me to write up a request and promissory note. i haven't done it yet because of the guilt.
anyhow, i've been praying for a miracle.my mom usually sends me something for my birthday, so i was kind of hoping she'd just send what i'd asked for without me having to ask again. well, she didn't.
instead, got a bonus from work. this NEVER happens. NEVER. but apparently our 13-14 fiscal year budget had a surplus and the new president of the institute of higher education went to the board of trustees and asked for the surplus to be given as a bonus to long time employees instead of being distributed over the whole year. the board agreed. i got an $800 bonus, which less the withholdings was about $650.
i cried. body-wracking weeping. cowboy charming wasn't home, and the wee girl came to see why i was sad. i explained i was crying because i was happy.
then my mom called and said she'd mailed me a token for my birthday. with her you never know what that means. it turned out to be $350. between the bonus and her check i was able to get square again on our car payment (which was on the verge of being repo'd).
this week i'll be paying last month's mortgage, and then this month's on the first of august . . .
the next miracle i need is to be brave enough to write that promissory note, and for my mom to agree. it would help us get square again, and we could pay her back when we get our tax return in april.
but i'm still so grateful to be less behind. those two checks were a miracle.
