the new boss has brought some stability to work, in spite of changes that have many of the staff kind of freaked out. she is a doer. and by that i mean that she actually accomplishes things, she isn't just coming up with ideas that need to be approved by others before we can get permission to maybe, hopefully proceed. this is in part because she and our new division chief had a good working relationship before they took over in my area, so she sees what needs done and does it.
three staff have left for other departments within the institution of higher education. three replacements have been hired. they all start in December. they are all men. i am very happy about this since it puts us into a better male/female ratio in the office.
processes are being improved; even (or especially?) processes that belong to other departments but significantly impact our ability to do our jobs.
she is looking into scheduling software that might make my world easier when it comes to putting together our weekly schedules
we all got upgraded wireless headsets.
and she pushed through a proposal to get raises for the whole office. this resulted in our new division chief buying us pizza to tell us we'd all be given 10% raises, effective immediately. which means we'll see that raise on our next paycheck. and, the raise does not negate the possibility of merit raises in june. even the new hires will get paid more when they start.
and now, to give you a peek at my current paygrade, that is an increase of about $4000 a year for me. $300 bucks a month, before taxes and whatnot.
i feel validated and appreciated.
i am also taking a creative non-fiction writing class. i love it. i wish i could be in it every night. because if i could be in it every night, i could then hide from the disaster that is home.
yup. things are okay at work and sucky at home. i guess it can't be good all over.
the house is in shambles. a physical representation of the depression that looms over me. i can keep it together for work. i have to. it's my job that pays most of the bills.
i mostly get laundry done. mostly as in: it gets washed and sometimes the wee girl's clothes get put away. mine and cowboy charming's sits in baskets. it's gotten to the point where sometimes i've forgotten which baskets are clean and which are dirty, so it's very possible i wash clean clothes instead of putting them away.
dishes get done maybe twice a week, which means the wee child alerts me when there are no spoons. and don't even ask me about sweeping/mopping/vacuuming.
i took a long weekend last week (friday-tuesday off) to try to get things done. but then it turned out that cowboy charming also took the week off. and instead of going hunting like he was supposed to have done, he loafed around the house. which demotivated me even more. i did get the bathroom mostly clean on tuesday. other than that: nothing.
i think he's depressed too. depressed because i make more money than him, but not motivated to try to get another job. depressed because there are things to do around the house, but then he comes home from work at 4 and sleeps until i call him at 5:30 when i'm on my way home from work. depressed because he sees my depression and sadness at my perceived inability to be a good wife/mother/human being because i beat myself up about the state of the house, but also unable/unwilling to load the dishwasher himself, or even take the trash out.
i think two depressed parents are a Very Bad Thing for a sparkling new child. and she sees it. she told me last night that she was sorry that i got so sad when daddy gets upset.
the guilt is paralyzing.
