hurry up and wait

Court date yesterday was also weird. I met my attorney for the first time in person. He wasn't there-- i guess he didn't have to be? Honestly it was nice to not have to see him in person because my anxiety was super high. His lawyer joined via Zoom & said he didn't understand the reasoning behind the request for supervised visitation with the kids, as per the recommendation of the Guardian Ad Litem. The Guardian Ad Litem wasn't there, but had sent a colleague who said they just had the notes & not the rationale. So, the judge continued another 2 weeks. My attorney brought up the subject of monetary support for the kids, and she asked if a divorce had been filed. When the answer was "not yet", she said "so get the paperwork filed, and you can request retroactive support"... well okee dokey then. Good thing I have a job that keeps most of the bills paid, and family and friends who are willing to help out when things get hairy.

My mom let me know that his mom wrote her a letter expressing her concern about me and that she feels that I'm hormonally imbalanced. His mom is a retired nurse who never got her RN because she didn't want to have the extra responsibility & worked in a tiny county hospital her entire career and did no psychological nursing care. She has ZERO qualifications to be trying to armchair diagnose me.

It's not peri menopause, it's not postpartum. It's that I hit my limit of bullshit and I'm not willing to gaslight myself to give him a pass on being a jerk. Just because she chose to be married to a man who acted worse than her son for YEARS and only cooled down in his early 60s doesn't mean I have to do the same. Just because our church still has a stigma toward divorce because we believe marriage is forever, doesn't mean I am obligated to endure abuse and subject my children to abuse with the *hope* that he'll mend his ways in the future.

I go back to my post from 5 years ago & it confirms this is not new. This is a pattern of behavior that has gotten more pervasive and damaging in the last 2 years. THIS IS NOT IN MY HEAD.